you want to bathe socially?

this conversation JUST happened. frankly, i'm impressed they stayed on the phone that long; though, by that point we both had something to prove!

overly bubbly unknown female on phone: hi there and thank you for calling The Pamper House- this is Kelly! how can i help you?
Sarah: hi there Kelly. I wanted to have a spa day with my fiance and I had a couple questions.
Kelly: your fiance?
Sarah: Yes. It's his birthday weekend and I had some questions.
Kelly: Like a guy? A male?
Sarah: Yes Kelly, my fiance is a guy.
Kelly: Ok, that's a strange present.
Sarah: I don't take your meaning- but could you answer a couple questions?
Kelly: Yes ma'am. What can I help you with today?
Sarah: First, do you offer couples massages, and second, are the wet areas for men and women separate or together?
Kelly: What?
Sarah: First, do you offer couples massages?
Kelly: You want to massage him?
Sarah: No! I want us both to get massages, but I wondered if you offered them together, in the same room? You know- a couples massage.
Kelly: No. (sounding decidedly confused) No ma'am. We don't do anything like that.
Sarah: Oh darn it. (I said that- the Texas hick thing is wearing off on me- or more likely, bringing out my inner hick). Well a girl can hope. So what about the wet areas?
Kelly: Wet areas?
Sarah: Yeah, are they separate? Or joint? Because I don't want to spend the day there is they are separate.
Kelly: The day here? I don't understand ma'am.
Sarah: Well not all day, but a couple hours. You know, you're working at a "day spa."
Kelly: We don't have any wet areas.

silence from me.....
silence continues.....

Kelly: Ma'am? Are you there?
Sarah: How are there no wet areas?
Kelly: Well there are bathrooms. And wet-ish areas for the rubs and wraps. But those are completely private.
Sarah: But the spas? They're wet aren't they?
Kelly: We are a spa ma'am. But we have no wet areas.
Sarah: How can that be?
Kelly: Ma'am, I'm going to get my manager.

waiting........

Manager: Hi there, Kelly tells me you had some questions for you and your fiance??
Sarah: Hi I was wondering about your wet areas.
Manager: EXCUSE ME?!!
Sarah: Wet areas. The hot and cold tubs, the saunas and steam rooms. Are they separate for men and women?
Manager: We don't have anything like that here.
Sarah: What? I thought this was a spa.
Manager: This is a spa, but we don't offer anything like that.
Sarah: You don't offer any wet areas? None at all?
Manager: That's correct miss.
Sarah: But you call yourself a spa? I'm sorry, I'm finding this confusing.
Manager: Miss, we offer a wide range of facials, manicures, eyelash and eyebrow tinting, even belly button candling.
Sarah: Belly button candling? You offer belly button candling and you don't have a hot tub?
Manager: Why on earth would we have a hot tub?
Sarah: Because you're a spa! The very definition is built on the idea of social bathing. You know- healing waters and all that jazz? You can't call yourself a spa and then ignore the very meaning of the word! That's like opening a pizza shop, only selling sushi, and justifying it by saying that the sushi is also food. It doesn't work that way- you can't just change the meaning of a word to make yourself sound posh or trendy.
Manager: You want to bathe socially with your fiance? I'm sorry, we are not that type of establishment.

AND SHE HUNG UP

I called seven other "spas" in town. None of them had "wet areas" either. In short, they were Salons that offered massages.

In the meantime, I'm left pining for our last spa day together at Themae Bath Spa in Bath, England. You know, where they speak English correctly, where spas have water in them, and they only offer 2, 4 or all day packages!