ROLO!

it would have been embarrassing had it occurred by itself. fortunately for me, it didn't.

"He had noticed that events were cowards: they didn't occur singly, but instead they would run in packs and leap out at him all at once.”― Neil Gaiman, Neverwhere

the scene: my parents huge christmas party
i've had a couple drinks. i won't lie. 
my best friends are there. we're all camped out in the theatre room. we're catching up, sharing stories. drinking. laughing. you know. like friends do.

me: John 3:16 is a Bible verse right?
Serenity: how do you not know this?
me: well that's what i thought. 
Serenity: you call yourself a southerner
me: it's printed on the the bottom of Forever 21's bags
Jennifer: what? you're kidding?
me: serious. saw it this morning. at least, i think i did
Jennifer: funny. considering they sell slutty clothes and preach Jesus
Serenity: sounds typical. 
Mark: you think?
me: i think so. i'll check, the bag is in Ashley's bedroom

at which point i hop up from my spot on the couch. i fail to register the horror on my friend's faces and i prance upstairs. i grab the bag, and stop by the kitchen for a snack on my way. 

mom: oh my god! did you....
--this was said loudly, across a crowded room. the unfinished question hangs in the air--
me: huh?
--i look up from my plate--
Ashley (or any one of the teenagers now looking at me in horror): what is on you? oh god!

at which point i realize everyone in this room is now gesturing (with horror) to my butt.  i twist to look down at my rear. which i realize is covered with brown...."stuff" it's liquid-y, it's a couple shades of brown. 
it looks nasty and warrants all of the attention i'm receiving. 

me: what the?
mom: you might want to go upstairs
me: the hell is on me?
mom: sarah, you might want to go change
me: omg. 

then i leave. 
and change clothes. 
and discover there's melted chocolate and caramel ALL OVER my pants.  

now let's rewind. 
the night before, my dear sweet husband finished off a bag of rolo's while we were watching tv. he was sitting on the couch. the couch i was sitting on at the party. 

i 
was 
sabotaged. 
by my own husband. 
at a party. 

fortunately for us all, it takes more than that to embarrass me. especially when i still needed to address the Forever21 thing.