Wednesday, July 10, 2013

they are liars

the evening before our big two week vacation- we discovered i'm pregnant! 

exactly three minutes of big eyes and speechless excitement were immediately followed by outright terror and questions.
-will a 9 hour flight be a problem?
-when do we need to go to the dr?
-how far along am i?
-do i need to stop taking my tumor medicine?

and then the realizations came crashing down
-not a single drink in the pubs!
-how will we keep the secret from family?
-we have NO IDEA what the do's and don't are

so we did what any couple who just spent a fortune on their one vacation of the year would do.
we got on the plane and headed to England.

England. land of un-pasteurized cheeses, uncured meats, bizarre locally caught fish, and local favorites like black pudding. likewise, we left a climate of 90 degrees for one around 30 degrees.  
have i mentioned we knew nothing at this point? 

i don't know what your experience with pregnancy is- but here's two tips in case you are considering it.
1- EVERYONE feels obligated to give you advice. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM.
2-DO NOT TRUST THE INTERNET. 

that said- all of our extremely limited knowledge during this time period was gleaned during our limited moments to connect to the internet. 
can you imagine where this is going?

Spotting? yeah. that happens. according to actual doctor's, it's even normal. 
according to various internet diagnosis'- including one from the National Health Service- i was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy of twins and needed to go to the doctor IMMEDIATELY.

Serious cold due to the much lowered immune system and drastically different environment? 
Makes sense. In America, you take some cold medicine, anything from the tylenol line, problem solved. But in England? Slightly different story.
imagine if you will....
My throat is swollen and raw due to mucus sliding down it, i can't stop blowing my nose. I'm a picture of the best kind of miserable. We ask a clerk in the pharmacy what I can take for a cold while pregnant. 
He directs me to paracetamol.
What? that's for fever and mild aches.
I'm SICK. I explain I need something for the cold and head towards the "cold/flu" section.
At which point he starts SHOUTING after me, "YOU CAN'T TAKE COLD MEDICINE! IT'S DANGEROUS FOR THE BABY, YOU'LL HARM IT"
Across the shop. 
I can't even describe the looks i got, and the comments regarding the Starbucks cup in my hand. 

the "english" internet sites i had access to confirmed the clerks belief that no medicines were safe and left me terrified.  (interesting fact, that other countries have their country id on their sites, but not the US. like .uk for England, and .de for germany)
i took nothing. 
instead, i had a nasty cold for the entire vacation. 
i suffered seven mile walks through fields and pastures in the rain, touring castles and the freezing cold tunnels in the white cliffs of dover, countless hours with friends and family NOT drinking in pubs, and was vaguely miserable whenever in between bouts of morning sickness.

fortunately i finally returned to America and was assured that i could treat the cold. and i did. and i stopped being quite so miserable.
damn you clerk and english websites! Damn you! You are liars!

If there's one thing i've learned so far, it's that those women who say that pregnancy is a wonderful experience, that they loved it, that they felt such a connection with their baby-

they are also liars.
or possibly just forgetful. perhaps repressing the memories?